apology for fuck

I'm sorry
I'm sorry I ran away
and in this apology
my ends have been inclined
and I'm sorry for that too
but if this truly is my nature
then I live to fill my self for you.

The truth is my nature is elusive and broken.
It's fragmented and shattered
and in some way it makes me whole.

The lie is my nature and the irony is that it's true.
I know I cannot give you anything that is truly not of me
and my self seems to relish in its diathesis.

My insides may be putrid
but they live in bliss
but my shell knows better
because it knows you.

I feel mortal and damned
to live for my self against my self
for a few moments of clarity

In it's very essence
this is what some call life
a fuck;
a dichotomy of misery and beauty.

I fight a battle with in,
and from with out I fight a war
and I'm sorry my words are twisted
but thus is my nature.

I live to be alive
and not for the war,
but the real perversion
is the distraction
by the nature of those
who wish for the extraction
of mine

nevertheless, I apologize
I apologize for my self and not for you
and in that I hope you accept this transaction
simply because
it's true